Thursday, February 14, 2013

Eat Whatever They Tell You

Greenie eco-bio sustainable local foodie star Joel Salatin recently spoke in Salem (that's Salem, Oregon, not the witch-burning Salem). Repeating an often-stated but still important claim, Salatin remarked:
"[The food police] have decided that it is perfectly safe to feed your kids Twinkies, Cocoa Puffs and Mountain Dew, but that raw milk (and) Aunt Matilda's pickles...are hazardous substances."
Maybe so. But I tend to disagree that the busybody pinheads at the top of the regulatory chain have "decided" that Twinkies, etc., are safe for us to eat; rather, I think they just haven't yet figured out how to make Twinkies et al. illegal along with the raw milk. In the Safe Food Utopia of the food police, I imagine the only things we'd be able to eat would be irradiated spring mix and pasteurized olive oil. Every other food, no matter how whitebread or non-exotic, seems to cause these people to swoon with despair.

One of my favorite personal acts of food paranoia defiance is to cut meat and vegetables on the same cutting board, in a direct flout of the dictates of the food safety zealots. That's giving them the old what-for!


  1. I think the ideal meal for the food police is some kind of tasteless pill. Maybe like 15 of them a day, and with a nod to science, dissolved sublingually so as to absorb some gastrically-destroyed nutrients. Washed down with distilled water. And since the commandant has determined that 'dessert' is a vestigial desire of humanoids, a once-a-week pill that seeps a faux-sugar substance into the brain at a carefully calibrated rate. yum.

    1. Washed down with WATER? What are you, crazy? In the Safe Foodtopia of the future, it will be Triple-Cloroxed HydraSafe™ Liquid Refreshment Beverage (With Added Vitamins and Antibiotics). No chances, mother.