From A to B

Here is how our government began:

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness...

Here is what our government does now:

Five Times Fast: Food Safety Gifts for Festive Foodies

 These days, it seems everyone knows (or is) a foodie, a self-proclaimed guru of all things edible. To add to the myriad of “foodie gift guides” shopping sites have created this month, the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline has put together a list of inexpensive kitchen essentials, most of which are small enough to fit inside a stocking or gourmet gift basket. The best part: these gadgets ensure the giftee will return the gesture with perfectly and safely roasted (or braised, smoked, flambéed…) treats this holiday season and year-round.

Here is our “top 5” foodie gift list: 

Food Thermometer(s). There is a food thermometer to fit every budget, preferred cooking method, and technological aptitude, and every foodie should have at least one. A food thermometer is the only implement that can tell if food is cooked to a safe temperature to destroy illness-causing bacteria, which is a guest your holiday gathering can certainly do without...

Yes. The Gold Standard of modern republicanism, the beacon of liberty and self-reliance, the Shining City on a Hill, has progressed to this: a superfluous agency of a bloated executive department advising people on which gifts are best-suited to keep us safe from bacteria and cross-contaminated cutting boards. And if you're not certain that you've registered all the anti-bacterial and non-cross-contamination procedures the USDA has gently suggested you follow, you can call the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline, a thing your tax dollars actually pay for, in order to get answers to "holiday food safety questions."

It's the little things. They grate on you.