Friday, May 31, 2013

It's Dinnertime

Remember when a bloated, pointless bureaucracy didn't take it upon itself to have a say in what Americans eat? Yeah, neither do I---I'm not that old. My octogenarian readers (you know who you are) might have dim reckonings of such a time. 

Anyhoo, the charade continues:

"As we aim to improve the health of all Americans, we look forward to the important work of this Committee," said HHS Secretary Sebelius. "Their guidance will help shape recommendations on how we can all live healthier lives by eating a nutritious diet—a key factor in achieving and maintaining a healthy weight."

"The President and First Lady have made it a priority to ensure Americans have access to the information they need to improve their overall health and nutrition," said USDA Secretary Vilsack. "USDA takes great pride in partnering with the Department of Health and Human Services as we strive to reverse childhood obesity and build a healthier next generation based on the solid science that undergirds the Dietary Guidelines for Americans."

Ugh. Sebelius just feels like a thorn in my side. And don't get me started on Vilsack, the Crown Prince of Monsanto and the Grand High Regnant of Government Food Inanity.

If I ran the USDA and the DHHS, and was for some reason compelled to help guide people to a better diet, it would be pretty simple, and require almost no budget: tell people to stop eating shit. Don't buy cartons of sodas, don't buy processed foods, cook your own meals from fresh vegetables and fruits, eat good meat. One wouldn't even have to subscribe to the lunatic eco-bio-greenie localized pasture-based fifty-miles-from-farm-to-plate food system for which I strenuously advocate; even if you're buying GMO-laden potatoes and carrots and feedlot beef from the grocery store, you're still going to be in better shape than if you just cram Cheetos into your maw all day long.

But that type of advice would never be proffered. The President and First Lady want to ensure "access to information" to boost up America's "overall health and nutrition." See, you could accomplish the same thing---nay, a much better thing---by saying "Stop eating shit." Similarly, if you talked straight, you wouldn't have any need of a "Committee" to offer "guidance" to help "shape recommendations" in order to achieve a "key factor." All you need to say is: "Eat less junk, eat more fruits and vegetables, cook more of your own meals." And then you could close up the press release and go home.

So much of politics seems to be focused on how many words politicians can say in order to obfuscate the simplest of concepts. Perhaps they have miserable home lives and they want to draw out their workdays as long as possible. Maybe they're wretched people who are in love with the sound of their own voices, drunk on their own power, and utterly convinced of their latent superiority over the common citizen. Maybe it's both of these things. Then again, maybe they're just honestly concerned about how much you weigh, and they want to use the benevolent power of the government to help you drop the pounds. So either way, we're in trouble.

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